DAILY HOMILIES #Marriage

I recently heard the story of some soldiers who broke into a tea shop because it was a cold winter morning, and they needed something warm to drink. When they left, the captain left some money for the shop owner to satisfy his conscience. The soldiers felt they had a right to steal the tea since no one would dare question them, but the captain had the mind of Christ. He left money for the shop owner.

In today’s Gospel passage, Jesus compares the kingdom of heaven to a grain of mustard seed, which starts very small but soon grows to become a thousand times bigger than the seed. Quarrels and fights in marriage are like grains of mustard seed. When these fights are not forgiven, they become like pieces of debris we fail to remove.

Are you struggling to accept Jesus’s teachings? Does the cross seem too heavy for you? Ask God to help you. Prayer is the key. Jesus says: “With men, it is impossible.” Relying on your strength alone (intelligence, money, self-discipline, connections, etc.), you cannot be Christian. You must be connected to God through daily prayers to gain the strength to live out your Christian call. Jesus said: “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5).

Jesus condemned Moses’ Law on divorce but excused Moses by saying he responded to the people’s hardness of heart. Today, the choice is up to us: whether to remain hardened in the heart (follow Moses’ instruction; obtain a certificate of divorce from the court) or to embrace Jesus’ stance on Marriage (take the path of sacrifice, remain with our spouses through thick and thin, remove divorce an option). Anyone who still wants to go with Moses today is not yet a Christian.

Herod was not thinking straight when he promised even half his kingdom to a little girl. What if she had asked for his head? Think before you speak. Be a master of your emotions. In moments of anger, hold it. In moments of excitement, hold it also. Learn the habit of speaking to God and hearing from him before talking.

Since there are no perfect humans, and Jesus says divorce is not an option, how can couples find joy in marriage? The answer is forgiveness. Forgive quickly. St. Paul would say: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” (Ephesians 4:26-27). If couples learn to forgive each other seventy times seven times, marriages would be blissful.

The contents of your mind today mirror what your life will be like tomorrow. To create anything, that thing has to first exist in your mind (imagination); our minds have creative power. We can choose what becomes of us simply by choosing our thoughts.

Accept people the way they are. Stop trying to change your spouse, your children or anyone at all. Everybody is unique; no two persons (not even identical twins) can think or behave alike. There will always be something you don’t like about someone, and you can do nothing to change that.

If married couples were to love each other like Jesus loved us and died for us, our world would be a happier place. Love is not about what you get from others but what you are willing to give. To love someone is committing to improving their lives physically and spiritually.

There are no perfect families. There are only human families, and humans have flaws, weaknesses and limitations. St. Paul would say: “The good I want to do, I don’t do it, but I end up doing the evil I don’t want.” You may not be happy about your family, but do not assume your family is the worst. It is with this understanding that our readings today offer us useful tips on how to improve the situation of our families.

His disciples asked Jesus: “If such is the case of a man with his wife, is it not better to remain unmarried?” (Matthew 19:10). Jesus said: “Not all men can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given.” (Matthew 19:11). In other words, celibacy is not for everyone. One who is not called to a celibate life but embraces it to escape the rigours of marriage would end up frustrated. Achieving a happy marriage is difficult, but being a faithful celibate is more difficult without the grace of celibacy.

One lesson from today’s Gospel passage is to avoid making promises or talking too much when we are happy or intoxicated (under alcohol). While drinking alcohol is not a sin, we must be responsible for whatever we do or say afterwards. Herod could not return his words when he realised the girl asked for John the Baptist’s head. She could have also asked for Herod’s head.